So, you know how some people get a nice piece of jewellery or a spa day for their birthday? Well, one week after my 48th, I got something *a little less glamorous*—a diagnosis of ADHD, and a confirmation that I am in menopause. 🎉 Talk about a double whammy. Hot flushes and a complete inability to keep track of time? Lucky me.
But in all seriousness, being diagnosed with ADHD at 48 was both eye-opening and a huge relief. It felt like finding the missing piece of a puzzle that had been incomplete for years. The irony is, I first suspected I might have ADHD over 20 years ago, but because I didn’t tick every box, and there wasn’t much awareness about ADHD in women, I just thought, “Well, probably not.” Now here I am, managing menopause, ADHD, and trying to remember why I walked into the kitchen—standard.
Finally Getting Diagnosed: The Relief and the Worry
I’ve spent decades working with neurodivergent people, supporting those with ADHD and autism throughout my career in social care. Yet, when it came to seeking a diagnosis for myself, I hesitated. There was that little voice in my head asking, “What if I’m wrong? Does that mean I’m just lazy? Disorganised? Less capable than everyone else?”
When I was finally diagnosed, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t lazy or scatterbrained; I had ADHD. The diagnosis gave me permission to stop seeing these challenges as personal failings and start understanding them as part of how my brain works.
But with the relief came a bit of worry. After years of encouraging my clients to practise self-compassion, it was time for me to take my own advice. Who cares if I procrastinate, or if my best ideas seem to come to me at 1 a.m.? If it works for me, it works. I’m learning to embrace it with a bit of humour—and a lot of patience.
The Signs Were Always There: ADHD in Disguise
In hindsight, the signs were always there—just cleverly disguised as quirks. Take time management, for example. I’ve always been the one to submit essays minutes before the deadline. Deadline at midnight? I’d submit it at 11:57 PM. Punctuality has never been my strong suit, and I’ve spent most of my life chasing after time.
And then there’s my “relationship” with maths. Let’s just say numbers and I have an understanding: I won’t bother them, and they won’t bother me. Learning by following instructions? Absolutely not. I’ve always been a "learn by doing" type, which is fine when you're figuring out a new recipe but not so great when assembling flat-pack furniture.
From Procrastination to Hyperfocus: How ADHD Fuels My Success
For all the procrastination and chaos, ADHD has been a superpower in my career. When I get into hyperfocus mode, I’m unstoppable. Whether it’s transforming failing social care services, managing a high-risk forensic unit, or conducting debriefs after critical incidents, my ADHD helps me get the job done. When a challenge lands on my plate, my brain switches into "all systems go," and I’m able to tackle complex situations with creativity and focus.
This hyperfocus also extends to my work as a therapist. I’m able to be fully present with my clients, immersing myself in their experiences and working towards our shared goals with tenacity. My ADHD brings creativity, problem-solving, and energy to everything I do. Yes, I may leave housework until the last minute (or sometimes indefinitely!), but when it comes to people and big-picture challenges, I thrive.
Do Neurodivergent People Attract Each Other?
Interestingly, many of my clients at Wynyard TLC also have ADHD or are neurodivergent in some way. It makes me wonder: Is it true that neurodivergent people naturally gravitate towards each other? Perhaps. There’s a kind of unspoken understanding when you’re part of the same club. At Wynyard TLC, all of our staff who specialise in neurodivergence have personal experience with it as well as professional expertise. We get it because we live it too.
The Benefits of a Late Diagnosis
Getting diagnosed with ADHD later in life came with mixed emotions—relief, validation, and a bit of “Well, that explains a lot!” Yes, sometimes I envy those who seem to glide through life with effortless moderation and consistency. But I also recognise that my ADHD fuels my passion, creativity, and success. I’ve learned to embrace it rather than fight against it.
If you’re someone who’s wondered if ADHD might be part of your life, it’s never too late to explore the possibility. A diagnosis can bring clarity, helping you work *with* your brain rather than against it. At Wynyard TLC, we help people who think they may have ADHD or autism, guiding them through the diagnostic process or offering support post-diagnosis.
If you’re looking for further reading, I highly recommend *Scattered Minds* by Dr. Gabor Maté and *ADHD 2.0* by Dr. Edward Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey. All three authors have ADHD themselves, offering first-hand insights into living with neurodivergence. *Scattered Minds* particularly delves into the trauma perspective, which aligns with much of the work I do.
A Final Thought: ADHD is Different for Everyone
While I’ve shared my own experience of ADHD with a bit of humour, it’s important to acknowledge that ADHD manifests differently for each person. For many, it can be a source of anxiety, depression, and significant challenges across all aspects of life—work, family, relationships, and even physical health. ADHD can lead to burnout and mental and physical exhaustion, as the constant effort to manage everyday tasks and responsibilities can feel overwhelming. It’s not uncommon for people with ADHD to feel like they’re in a constant cycle of playing catch-up, which can take a serious toll on their well-being.
We mustn’t minimise the impact ADHD can have on someone’s life. For some, it’s a daily struggle that affects their self-esteem, causes feelings of inadequacy, and leads to mental health challenges. If any of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone—and that there’s help and support available.
At Wynyard TLC, we’re here to support you in embracing your neurodivergence—just like I’ve learned to do, with a healthy dose of laughter and self- compassion.
- Ruth, Clinical Director and card carrying member of the ADHD club
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